Crazy pill count:
AM 300 Lamictal, 60 Geodon, 250 Nuvigil
PM 300 Lamictal, 60 Geodon, 3/25 Symbyax
Has anybody ever had the urge to not take your crazy pills because you didn’t want your mania to end? Taking pills when you’re depressed is easy – you will do anything to escape the darkness. But what about when you are feeling awesome?
Really, really awesome.
It is our responsibility to take our medication when we are manic because manias can take a turn for the worst at any moment. But how do we do it? How do we say to ourselves at 2:00 am, while we are in the middle of solving the secret of life, to take a pill that will make it go away?
I admit this has been me. “Just five more minutes,” I tell myself. Five more minutes of bliss and then I’ll take that extra dose of Zyprexa. Five, six, seven minutes pass and I have to get stern with myself. I have to remind myself that this elated state will lead to destruction, except I have no sense of consequences so this is a difficult argument.
But I know better. I know from 12+ years experience not taking medication in this situation will greatly harm me and most likely others as well. So I take my extra dose of Zyprexa even though I swallow with a, somewhat, disappointed spirit.
Of all mental illnesses, bipolar individuals have the highest rate of suicide for this reason. What other illness can have symptoms of utter joy and rapture? It seems ludicrous to take a medication to put a stop to supreme happiness, but we have to.
Manic happiness doesn’t come without destructive consequences and the depression that almost always inevitably follows. It is also impossible to know how difficult the next episode will be to treat. This is a risk we can’t take.
We have to be responsible and make the right decision. And the right decision is call your doctor and take your crazy pills.
What if your loved one is experiencing one of these, this-is-too-awesome-to-end-moments? Crazies in the midst of a pure mania think there is nothing wrong with the way they feel. Persevere. But be careful. Sometimes "orders" can make the situation worst. The best course of action is to gingerly explain why crazy pills are in order. Good luck. Need extra guidance? Check out Chapter 6 in the The Joy of Being Bipolar: Everyday moods that destroy your day Companion Guide, "What the fuck am I suppose to do NOW?"
If I have not convinced you of the importance of taking your crazy pills while manic, get out the trusty old book, The Joys of Being Bipolar: Everyday moods that destroy your day, and carefully read Chapter 9: Why Feeling Awesome Actually Sucks. Get out your highlighter and highlight every other sentence that reads,
“Take your crazy pills."
"Manic Flowers" by unknown
Until next time…