AM 250 Nuvigil
PM 3/25 Symbyax, 300 Lamictal, 5 Zyprexa, .05 Fanapt
It's the day. That day. The day we are suppose to be thankful, or at least realize all the reasons we have to be thankful. Really thankful.
When you're crazy it can be maddening. Downright maddening.
I'm suppose to be thankful for this hot mess called being crazy?!
Before you punch me in the gut and yell, "fuck you."
(I know I wasn't going to say fuck anymore, but you said it, not me)
Let me explain.
You are incredible.
Hands down, and being crazy is part of it.
I'm not suggesting you have to be thankful for being crazy. I'd like to thank no one for that. I might even want to curse someone for that, but be thankful anyway.
Be thankful because whether it feels like it or not...
You are incredable just the way you are.
Crazy and all.
And I am thankful for you.
I'm not going to lecture you on how great life is, because frankly, sometimes it's not. I'm also not going to try to convince you that you should be thankful to have food to eat and a bed to sleep in (although those are two great things to be thankful for), because frankly, sometimes those feel like insignificant details compared to the pain of existing.
But I am going to tell you...there really are reasons to be thankful. Even when it feels like there's not. Even when it feels like living is a burden rather than a gift.
Am I thankful? Oh, yes.
I am thankful for... (in alphabetical order)
*Breakfast for dinner
*my Friends and Family who love me...at my worst
*Getting my face painted
*my Husband...and not just for unloading the dishwasher more than his fair share
*Isadora Duncan dance classes
*my Job that allows me to play with children
*Laughing with a stranger
*the Mad scientists that create crazy pills
*Oatmeal on a cold morning
*the Pacific Ocean
*Riding the prettiest horse on a carousal
*the Sun for shining every day...despite any and all
*Wishing on a shooting star
*the idea of Xanadu
I am most thankful for my crazy pills, because without them nothing else in this thankful alphabet would be possible. I wouldn't be able to see the beauty in this world. I wouldn't be able to be a friend to all the people that love and support me. I wouldn't be able to go to work. I wouldn't be able to feel the sunshine on my shoulders. I wouldn't be able to experience a real Xanadu.
If you are not much in the thankful mood, and can think of no reason to be thankful, I'll give you one.
Today is the day you can wear construction paper Pilgrim hats and Indian headdresses and it's normal. Well sort of normal. And yes, my Indian name is Runs With Cats.
I'll say it again.
I am thankful for you.
You are a gift.
Until next time...