Cheers and Snaps for a Second Chance

Crazy pill count:
AM 250 Nuvigil
PM 3/25 Symbyax, 300 Lamictal, 5 Zyprexa, 40 Latuda

Latuda is back!  Remember when I called it a pretentious fart and the bust of the century?  Well, that was then and this is now.  The difference?  When I tried it, it had only been on the market for a couple of days. I was one of Dr. Crazy's first patients to try it.  We tried it with the hopes of replacing Zyprexa, my fat pills. Didn't happen.  Without Zyprexa I returned to my craziest self.

Dr. Crazy now has more experience with Latuda, and although one of my main goals is to get rid of Zyprexa and the one million pounds I gained taking it, that just isn't my current reality.  The experience Dr. Crazy has gained with Latuda has brought him to the conclusion that Latuda plus Zyprexa often works better than Zyprexa or Latuda alone.  So I am trying them together.  I really appreciate Dr. Crazy's diligence.  He never completely writes of a crazy pill.  He continues to learn about them hoping to find better treatment for his patients.  And usually does.  Cheers and snaps for Dr. Crazy.

The synergy of medications working together is fascinating.  Symbyax is a perfect example.  Symbyax is a combination of Zyprexa and Prozac. Can Zyprexa and Latuda be best friends too?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But I am damn well going to give them a chance.

I believe two house cats are often happier than one, so perhaps that will also be the case with these crazy pills?  Okay, you got me, I only used the cat example so I could post a picture of my cats.

It's easy to write off a crazy pill - to call it a pretentious fart and bid it farewell. I have said, "See ya later sucker!" more than once to more than one pill, (especially Saphris!) but it's important to be willing to give them a second chance if necessary. I'm not going to lecture you about being open to different treatments.  Ooops I just did.

You see crazy pills are crazy.
They act differently for different people, differently for the same person at different times, but also differently together.

Put trust in your Dr. Crazy.

Give crazy pills a chance...and then give them a second chance.

Except Saphris. That stuff tastes like poison, and I'm not convinced it's not poison. No, I take it back.  Saphris may work really well for you.  But you were warned - it tastes like p-o-i-s-o-n.  However it now comes in the flavor black cherry.  Perhaps black cherry poison is more tolerable than the original poison flavor.

Moral of the story kids...don't be too quick to say adieu.

Until next time...

The Choice is Yours

Crazy pill count:
AM 250 Nuvigil
PM 3/25 Symbyax, 300 Lamictal, 5 Zyprexa, 40 Latuda

Switching around crazy pills unfortunately comes with the possibility of an unwanted episode.  A mania, or for me, more often a depression.

It's a guessing game.  What might work?  What might work better?  These questions can only be answered with an experiment.  We have to hand over our brains, with open arms, to the new cocktail.  Does this run the risk of an episode?  Yes.  Always. But it is the only way to find a better treatment.

And so I do.  I hand over my brain.

Does it work?  Sometimes.
Does it trigger an episode?  Sometimes.

What's the point if it only sometimes works?  The point is that one of those times, one of those experiments won't just work, but work better than the current regiment.

New medications are always coming on to the market.  This means possibilities. New possibilities are always being developed.  It seems foolish to not try.  But it takes courage.  I know it's not easy to open yourself up to the possibility of better, when there is the chance of worse.

It can be worse?
Yes.  Always.

But it can also get better.

Is it scary?
Yes.  Always.

But being afraid inhibits possibilities, and it's something we can't risk.  We can't risk missing the possibility of better.

I am always trying new crazy pills, or different combinations of crazy pills because the way I see it, that is the only choice.  My only choice.  The choice to try new medications is the choice to get better.  I want to get better.  I don't want to spend a single second of my life manic, mixed or depressed.  Is that realistic?  Probably not.  But each experiment gets me closer.

Hand over your brain.
Try what your doctor recommends.
Choose to get better.

Until next time...

I Have a Pretty Brain

Crazy pill count:
AM 250 Nuvigil
PM 3/25 Symbyax, 300 Lamictal, 5 Zyprexa, 40 Latuda

Hyperprolactinaemia has it's grubby little paws on me.

That's a fancy name for elevated Prolactin levels.  Zyprexa and other atypical antipsychotics can cause this due to their dopamine antagonist properties.  The Big Bad Wolf and Captain Hook are famous antagonists, but Zyprexa is my all time favorite antagonist.

Except in this bipolar story Zyprexa is no antagonist - but rather a hero - Buzz Lightyear or Aladdin.

Another possible cause of hyperprolactinaemia, that my endocrinologist doesn't seem to care about, is pituitary tumors. The pituitary tumors in question are small, benign tumors that are not uncommon. Nearly 10% of people have these pesky little suckers in their brains. They are pesky because, although very small, often only the size of a head of a pin, they are large enough to cause excessive amounts of prolactin to be secreted into the blood.

Why should we give a rat’s tushie about elevated prolactin levels?
Prolactin is the hormone that stimulates lactation.
When elevated it can cause:
-irregular periods
-no visits from Aunt Flo altogether (amenorrhea)


-milky discharge from the breasts (galactorrhea)
-depleted sex drive
And a very serious issue nobody likes to think about – an increased risk for breast cancer.

A normal prolactin range, for a non pregnant, non breastfeeding woman, should be between 4.8 – 23.3 ng/mL.  Doxtinex is the most common drug used, and the one I take, to treat hyperprolactinaemia.  The generic is Cabergoline (Pronounced: ka-BER-goe-leen) not to be confused with Cabernet Sauvignon.

*Watch out for the side effect increased gambling*


Even though my endocrinologist was not interested in ruling out pituitary tumors as the monster responsible for my hyperprolactinaemia – Dr. Crazy was.  I, and Dr. Crazy, prefer to rule out everything else before blaming my crazy pills.  Many other doctors, on the other hand, often have no problem blaming crazy pills like I discussed in this post.  If your doctor doesn't care about ruling things out speak up or see another doctor.  You are that important.

So Dr. Crazy ordered an MRI.  I was delighted to receive a formal invitation.

I always enjoy an MRI because it gives me a chance to feel like I’m in a UFO.

I brought my films to Dr. Crazy. He held them up to his window explaining how 

blob (a) was cerebral fluid

blob (b) was blood

blob (c) was my brain spliced this way and that.

One of the things I appreciate about Dr. Crazy is that he doesn’t pretend to be a radiologist how many other, non-radiologist, doctors do when looking at a film. He even says the words, “Because I’m such a highly trained and great radiologist I can tell you this right here is your brain.” Dr. Crazy always keeps it real.

This is a picture of my brain.


This picture shows no pituitary tumors or any other reason for hyperprolactinaemia.
Perhaps Zyprexa is the antagonist after all?
According to this test my brain is pretty normal. Emphasizing pretty, of course.

Have you seen a prettier brain?



Pretty normal – Except for the being crazy part.

Until next time…

Out of the Darkness

Crazy pill count:
AM 250 Nuvigil
PM 3/25 Symbyax, 300 Lamictal, 10 Zyprexa

Saturday I participated in the Out of the Darkness Community Walk.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is an amazing organization that does just that - helps the prevention of suicide. AFSP has community walks to raise awareness and funds all over the country.

I'm happy to report I reached my goal of raising one hundred buck-a-roos.  If there is a walk in your area, I recommend walking in the memory of someone you love, for the struggle you have personally had with suicide, to raise awareness, or just to pick up one of these bracelets that makes a sweet cat toy.

Since the hubs and most of my friends work on Saturday, I flew solo.  Normally I would go to such an event, full force, ready to make new friends.  However I was a tad depressed on Saturday and not much in the mood for making new friends, and so I walked alone, in silence.  It almost felt appropriate being in a huge crowd, yet feeling alone, as suicide is lonely.  Oh so lonely.

I didn't get the memo about wearing tie dye, but was delighted to see it on many walkers.

The walk ended with a celebration of live music, bananas and water.  It was great to see people, together, celebrating life.  Life is meant to be lived in that way...in celebration.  Even when we feel lonely, we are not alone.  This walk proved that. When you are feeling sucked into darkness, it is possible to walk out of it.

This world is full of people that care about you...including me.
Boy do I ever care about you.

So walk, celebrate, and eat bananas!

Until next time...

Stigma Sucks

Crazy pill count:
AM 250 Nuvigil
PM 3/25 Symbyax, 300 Lamictal, 10 Zyprexa

I am ecstatic to report there have been 11,508 views to this post about Travis Stork, from the TV show "The Doctors," being an asshole about mental illness.  Gleefully, it is my most popular post.

Now granted, most of you were image searching Dr. McSteamy shirtless, which is a damn fine search, but the point is you got to this post and might have read it.

If you have not read it, I encourage you to do so, here.  If you don't want to read it, perhaps you might just want to sneak a peek at a picture of a shirtless Dr. McSteamy.  Trust me, it's a good one, that man looks good shirtless.

"The Doctors" TV show never responded to my complaint letters, and has still not addressed mental illness, properly, in an episode, but at least I tried to make a stand.  Sometimes that's the best we can do.

We need to stick up for mental illness.
We need to make a stand about mental illness stigmas.
Stick up for us!  We're worth it!

Except you won't be standing alone, because I am standing right there with you.  But on a side note, could someone please tell me where I can get nails like that?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,"  may be chanted on playgrounds everywhere, but unfortunately it's not true.  Words can hurt.

Stick up for stigma.
Or at least check out the picture of Dr. McSteamy dressed in his best.

Did I seriously just link that post five times?  I did.  It's that important.
Check it out. (Oops, six times)

Until next time...

You are Fabulous

Crazy pill count:
AM 250 Nuvigil
PM 3/25 Symbyax, 300 Lamictal, 10 Zyprexa

It's been a long time since I've addressed those of you who are not crazy, but rather have someone who is bipolar in your life.

The first thing I get to tell you is...

You are brave.
You are strong.
You are compassionate.

You. Are. Fabulous.

Seriously, you are.
You should wear this around everywhere you go so people know exactly how dang fabulous you are.

You are so fabulous you could even very well be the reason we can get through the day on a particularly hard one.

We might be mean to you sometimes. We might be thoughtless sometimes. We might lay on the kitchen floor and cry sometimes. For hours. We can be unreliable. We are most definitely unpredictable, and we can be summed up as "a handful."

I don't know how or why you do it, but because of you, we are still here. Because of you, we know we are not alone. Because of you, we know life is worth a chance.

You do that for us. Truly you do.

But just because you are there, doesn't mean we get to be mean to you. Or thoughtless. Or unreliable. We might not be able to peel ourselves off the kitchen floor, but manic or not, depressed or not, mixed or not, you deserve to be treated with respect and love. Man, do you deserve love.

Sticking by our side requires more endurance and training than a marathon. Believe it or not, there are running buddies for this.  You can find support groups and classes for the loved ones of people with bipolar disorder. Support groups aren't only for us. You need support too. NAMI has a class for you, Family to Family, a 12 week course for partners, friends, and family of people with serious mental illnesses.

When you feel like crying, go ahead, but when you wonder if you matter, know you do.

So what can you do? What do you do? Do you run out the door? It depends.
Woah....really? Maybe you should walk out on us?

If someone is abusing you, bipolar or not, it is not okay.
Bipolar disorder is not a get out of jail free card.

But they obviously need help. You can't turn your back on them? Can you?

You can refer them to a doctor and let them know you will be there for them once they seek treatment. This is still being a friend and being there for us.  Our illness can be so out of control that we are damaging our relationship with you. And your life. You are not expected to put up with it.

Only a doctor can treat bipolar disorder.
They go to school for a zillion years and spend a zillion dollars training for it.

You are not expected to treat us. You are not our doctor. Sure you love us, and we're beyond lucky you do, but loving us can mean helping us get treatment.

What if they refuse treatment?
For this, I have no good answer. You have to be the judge.

When if feels tough, refer the song at the end of this post, and know I mean it through and through.

Until next time...