AM 10 Zyprexa
afternoon 1 Ativan
PM 5 Zypexa, .5 Ativan
Geodon I curse you.
Now, that's not entirely fair. New side effect I curse you.
I have been screaming.
Literally.
I went into my car to scream when the hubs suggested screaming in the living room might negatively alert the neighbors. Unfortunately the screaming didn't help much so I did the next best thing - cry. Perhaps you have felt this way too?
I have mentioned in the past that The Joy of Being Bipolar: Everyday moods that destroy your day comes with the very user friendly guide: The Best Places to Cry. I am happy to report I have discovered a new rock star crying location. The park.
I urge you to first make sure there are no children present. It's imperative we don't terrorize our future generation. So if there are no kids around, grab a seat on the swings and let the tears spill.
When I tired of swing crying, I took my tears on a walk.
Along my walk I came across many fallen trees, uprooted, most likely in our recent, worst storm. Their massive root systems were exposed, no longer safely tucked into the Earth. Pools of water collected beneath them, worms and bugs emerging from the murky water.
This felt to me a lot like being crazy today. The uprootedness, the misplaced tears, the screaming...
These fallen trees were everywhere.
Take note: Fallen trees are a great place to cry. Pop a squat, lay down, whatever suits your fancy.
And then I saw this ant, painstakingly carrying this carcase over the hills and valleys of the bark. It seemed like a lot of freakin' work. I could relate. Battling the the ups and downs, burdened with a heavy load, just waiting for my pills to kick in. We are so much like nature, aren't we?
If you are feeling this way today, too, it will get better.
The Joy of Being Bipolar: Everyday moods that destroy your day has a chapter dedicated just to this feeling. Chapter 12 Being Crazy is a Bitch. And it is. But there is always Chapter 13 to browse, It Won't Last Forever. And it won't.
In the mean time, write a chapter in The Best Places to Cry, gaze up at the sky, see all the trees that are still standing tall, and know it too will pass.
Until next time...
Oh, those are some sweet crying places. Brave of you to take the crying outside. I have been known to do that on a very rainy day with an umbrella to shield the face and that ugly red puffy crap.
ReplyDeleteI remember as a teen going under the train bridge in the town where I grew up and waiting for a train to pass and screaming my heart out under the roar. But it has been awhile...
May it all pass sooner than later, but brava for the use of good tools, Baby !
light and love always...
I am glad you wrote with the disclaimer of the children at the park. Even though you are my best friend I might be tempted to alert the authorities if you swung screaming and/or crying next to my toddler. Love you! Can't wait to read every chapter!
ReplyDeleteAnita