AM 10 Adderall, .5 Ativan
afternoon 10 Adderall
PM 5 Zyprexa
I love talking about side effects.
If you feel like reading about my take on side effects here I talk about some that are strange, some that are funny, some that are annoying, some that are frustrating, and some that are mysterious.
I don't love having them, but I can admit they can be quite amusing. I was lucky enough to be plagued by a new one last week. Akathesia. It's not new in terms of the world, the phenomena was first described by Ladislav Haskovec in 1901, but it's a new one for me. Just when I think I've experienced them all, along comes a new delightful one. I have Geodon to thank for akathesia and boy is it a doozie!
The simplest way to describe this complex feeling is extreme restlessness, or in simpler terms, being in hell. Imagine not being able to stand, or sit, or lay, or pace, or jump, or walk, or run, or stand on your head, or scream, or cry, and feel any relief. And yes, I tried all those things multiple times. It's like creepy crawly bugs have taken up a vacation just beneath and on top of the surface of your skin.
This is not me.
I'm not this thin, don't have bangs, and am not currently typing this naked,
but this is what akathesia feels like.
However, this feeling goes beyond just the physical. It's also mental. I couldn't read a book, I couldn't watch a movie, I couldn't write, I couldn't unload the dishwasher (I know big surprise), I couldn't do any task. But I also couldn't not do a task and be still. It was the most bizarre feeling and I am having a hard time articulating how terrible it felt. But it is no surprise to me that akathesia has lead some people to suicide. Seriously, it sucks that bad.
But luckily I had Zyprexa and Ativan to get it to a manageable level. The only way for it to truly go away is to stop taking the drug that is causing it. Any variety of drugs can cause this particular side effect. Geodon - get the hell out - you are no longer welcome in my brain!
One of the interesting things about side effects is that I took Geodon many moons ago and it did not affect me in this way. Damn. That's all there is to say about it. Crazy pills are crazy. They act differently for different people, differently for the same person at different times, and we have no control over it. All we can do is experiment. And I will continue to experiment. Sometimes it will work, and sometimes it won't; but I won't give up. I hope you won't either.
Are you experiencing akathesia?
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Until next time...