Sunday, December 30, 2012

You Beautiful Bipolar Star

Crazy pill count:
AM .5 Ativan, 30 Cymbalta
afternoon .5 Ativan
PM 10 Zyprexa, 60 Cymbalta, .5 Ativan

Solar Flare by Diana Cox

I have spent four recent posts talking about acceptance. About the importance of acceptance and how we can try to accept living gracefully with this madness we call bipolar disorder. But there is another part of acceptance that is really damn hard I didn't talk about. And that's feeling accepted by others for exactly who we are and "that exactly who we are" just so happens to include bipolar disorder. It includes a great bright light, yes, but with it is great darkness.

It reminded me of a beautiful quote from Kay Redfield Jamison's book Nothing Was the Same.

Her husband wrote to her in a letter in reference to her depression:

"I am not glad the black hole is there but I am glad I have seen it. When you fall in love with a star you accept solar flairs, black holes and all."

When living with bipolar disorder, we will no doubt, always continue to, at least occasionally, come in contact with those nasty black holes, but that doesn't discount the great light that always burns within us.

We are starts. You are a star.
And you are beautiful.
Solar flairs, black holes, and all...

Solar Flare by  Brandi Bruggman

There have been times when I have not felt completely accepted for who I am by those I love. And it hurts. Man does it hurt. Maybe you have felt this way too? If you have, I know deep in my heart how much this hurts. It's not easy to accept the great darkness that comes with the bright light, and perhaps, being bipolar, our lights and darks have a bit more contrast, come and go more fiercely, burn out faster, and stay dark for longer. And frankly, that's just not always easy for others to witness.

If you are not feeling accepted, truly accepted, for who you are - light and dark - don't give up on yourself. As frustrating or as hurtful it may feel, don't give up on yourself. I'm risking being annoying by saying it again. Sweet friends, don't give up on yourself.

There is nothing wrong with you.
You are simply a star.

And with stars come solar flairs, black holes, and all...
And that is not shameful or wrong. It is beautiful.

Until next time...


  1. Thank you for your words.
    You are beautiful! xx

  2. i think people reject others because it's too difficult for them to deal with the helplessness they feel, the pain and difficulty of not being able to fix something. it's hard to watch people suffer, and i think few know how to sit and create the container we need in order to properly deal with whatever is going on. you're a special lady, and i'm glad to know you. :)

    1. It is so perfect that your name is Love! I love you, lady!