AM 20 Adderall, 150 Lyrica
afternoon 20 Adderall, 150 Lyrica
PM 10 Zyprexa, 150 Lyrica, 25 Lamictal
When we're depressed it's easy to get immersed in the darkness. It's easy to get caught up in tears and sad songs. I won't lie. I've been listening to sad tunes. On repeat to boot. But is this the best way to deal with it?
Do we stay in our pj's all day and cry?
Or do we force ourselves to get dressed and leave the house?
Try them both and see what works.
Unfortunately, there is no secret to depression.
Dr. Crazy has explained there is an ebb and flow to depression and it is usually worse in the morning. You may be familiar with this scenario:
The sun rises.
It's another day.
I was counting on today being the first day the sun didn't rise.
Can I leave these sheets?
I can't. I just can't.
How will I ever be able to get dressed?
I don't think I can. I know I can't.
I can't do it. I quit. I quit life.
Roll over, cry.
Does that sound at all familiar?
But as the day goes on it gets better. It might not get all better, as depression is a stubborn beast, but there is some sort of relief, no matter how small, even if it's not until 10:00pm. The next day you curse the sun. Repeat above. But then you have relief at 7:00pm. The next day at 4:30pm. The next day at noon. The next day at 10am. And soon you are happy to see the sun.
The sun does put on quite a good show.
Dr. Crazy has explained each day it gets better earlier than the day before. And I have found this to be true. Does it still feel awful in the morning? It does. But this is considered to be good progress. Are you wondering how I can call feeling like shit every morning progress? Well friends, sometimes bipolar disorder just sucks. I hate to be the one to break the news, but it does. At times, we take what we can get.
Of course, there are depressions that suck for a full 24 hours and what feels like infinity, but often they will eventually get into this better-earlier-each-day rhythm. And by the way, sorry to bring up crazy pills, but when we're depressed we have to take them. We might even have to take extras.
Sometimes understanding the science helps. You might want to punch me in the face and say it doesn't. And you can. You can punch me if it will make you feel better.
However, it helps me to look at the clock and know, "Yesterday I felt better at 3:00. This won't last forever. Turn off that damn forsaken sad music and get dressed. Maybe today it will be noon."
Now, it's beyond frustrating to feel better and wake up feeling terrible again. I know this. I won't discount that. But it will better. It always does. Heck, maybe it will be better by noon.
Keep going, friends.
Just keep going...
Until next time...