Twitch

Crazy pill count:
AM .5 Ativan, 30 Cymbalta
afternoon .5 Ativan
PM 10 Zyprexa, 60 Cymbalta, .5 Ativan

Sometimes a lot of "life" can happen all at once. Opportunities to travel can present themselves, a loved one may suddenly die, and then the holidays seem to have this bizarre way of always appearing every December. All of this "life" had me in a situation where I only slept in my own bed ten times from November tenth to January third.

All of this "life" knocked me on my ass.

This is what I felt like.
Geeze, someone should really help her up.

I genuinely love to travel, feel warm and fuzzy about the holiday season, and cherish time with my out of state family and friends. But wowzers, this was a bit too much "life" all at once for me. Although I was not in a stressful circumstance - I was on vacation for crying out loud - my body was physiologically responding as if under a great deal of stress.

One of my physical stress symptoms was an eyelid twitch I have now, endearingly, nicknamed, Twitch. I know this might not sound like that big of a deal, but oh, it was.

Friends, my left upper eyelid was having an unauthorized dance party over one hundred times a day. I know this sounds like some kind of celebration but it absolutely was not. The fancy name for eyelid twitch is myokymia, and it had me seriously contemplating violently removing my eyelid. Of course, now that it's stopped, I'm glad I didn't. I mean, where would I put my fancy new eye shadow? But the point of my eyelid story is that my body was signaling to me in eyelid Morris Code: enough! enough! enough!: 

Twitch's Morris Code message:

. -. --- ..- --. ....   . -. --- ..- --. ....   . -. --- ..- --. .... 

I didn't listen.
For a really long time.

My eyelid twitched desperate Morris Code surrender pleas over a hundred times a day for over a month. 

Twitch's Morris Code message:

.--. .-.. . .- ... .   ... .-.. --- .--   -.. --- .-- -. .-.-.-   .--. .-.. . .- ... .   - .- -.- .   .-   -... .-. . .- -.- .-.-.-   .--. .-.. . .- ... .   ... .- -.--   -. --- .-.-.-   .--. .-.. . .- ... .   - .- -.- .   -.-. .- .-. .   --- ..-.   -.-- --- ..- .-. ... . .-.. ..-. .-.-.-  

When Twitch and I finally returned home all was not fixed and better. I felt completely and utterly depleted. I cried from exhaustion. I cried from not insisting on "alone time." Being alone is how I recharge and I had not been alone for more than a few hours in weeks. I had not been writing regularly. I had not being doing anything "regularly." As fun a vacation is, like a small child, routine is good for me - and Twitch.

I was not honoring all the things I knew about myself, or the things I was slowly learning about Twitch.

The point of this very long story about me and my eyelid is that yesterday Twitch left! Yesterday, I finally gave myself permission to do nothing. I read a little, I wrote a little, and then I watched a lot of TV. I'm talking a lot. The hubs and I parked ourselves on the couch and I watched programs that I had recorded and not watched since November. I watched TV for seven hours. Seven! The hubs even ordered in my favorite dinner and baked brownies.

I learned some really important lessons:

{1}

Taking care of yourself comes in lots of different forms.

Sometimes it's as easy as laughing at the TV.

{2}

It's okay to let someone else take care of you once in a while.

Brownies are damn healing and delicious.

{3}

We need to listen to our bodies.

Even our eyelids are intuitive.

I don't miss Twitch, but I hope he's doing well. I can understand now, that he wasn't just annoying, but an important and necessary message from my body to pay attention, slow down, and take care of myself.

We must, must, must take care of ourselves. We just must.

I have made a promise to myself to be more aware of my limits and needs.
I hope you may do the same, because trust me, Twitch is a really annoying roommate.

So what does this have to do with being crazy?

Being a crazy kid, perhaps we are a tad more sensitive to this "life" business I've been talking about. And that's okay. It doesn't mean we are weaker, or less capable, it simply means we need to be more in tune and more aware. We need to be more proactive about taking care of ourselves and minimizing stress. Our neurotransmitters can be a little crankier, is all. And so taking our crazy pills is an absolute must in taking the best possible care of ourselves.

Swallow those pills, friends.
Pay attention.
Slow down.
Take care of your beautiful, radiant self.


Until next time...