AM 2.5 Ativan, 90 Cymbalta, 20 Viibryd, 50 Lamictal, 5 Zyprexa
afternoon 2 Ativan
PM 1 Ativan, 50 Topamax
In yesterday's post I made the comment that we can live the life we imagine.
The beautiful Grace, left the comment:
"When you say live the life you imagine, I cannot imagine that being possible. How does a person with such varying moods dream of that?
I thought this notion was worth a discussion.
I'm going to walk the plank and say it:
Bipolar disorder sucks ass.
Varying moods are obnoxious, often debilitating, and down right the pits.
"It's the Pits" by Bobbi Heath
So that is a really good question. How the hell can we live the life we imagine if our life includes such sucky varying moods?
I think it's about altering our perception. When I say alter, I don't mean give up. Don't give up what you imagine for yourself - don't you dare give up on yourself and what you dream for your life. But we have to adjust it a bit. Bipolar disorder is always, at times, going to get in the way.
And does that suck?
Is it fair?
It's not just us.
Life's not fair for anyone.
Not even Guinea pigs...
or cartoon characters...
or this kid...
But this is where the altering the perception part comes in.
We still get to imagine our life exactly how we want it, and then we do everything we can to make it happen. We go to the doctor. We take our pills. We treat our episodes as quickly as possible.
But then what? Even doing those things doesn't mean we won't occasionally wake up too depressed to get dressed or brush our teeth. I can't imagine that being a life anyone would imagine for themselves. And that is part of the reality of bipolar disorder.
This life we imagine...is it going to be more challenging for us?
Is that fair?
Go ahead and yell,
"It's not fair!"
if it will make you feel better.
As loud as you want.
I'll scream with you...
So back to this perception. If we alter what we imagine for the reality of bipolar disorder we can have that life we imagine. And it can still be just as beautiful and meaningful. It will just be different. And different is not code for bad. Different is simply different.
This is all part of that acceptance we've been talking about lately. Accepting that we will always have some limitations to what we can do. But once we can accept that fact, and alter what we imagine, and then fall in love with our new vision, we can live the beautiful meaningful life we imagine. It's not quite the life we had in mind, perhaps.
It's more turbulent.
But it's still beautiful, because it belongs to us.
Don't be afraid to alter what you imagine.
And then don't be afraid to make it your reality.
Bipolar disorder is a heck of a road block, with some crazy detours, but it's not a dead end.
Don't let it be.
Alter as necessary...
Then live your big beautiful vision...
Until next time...