Monday, February 4, 2013

My Neurotransmitters Have Teenage Angst

Crazy pill count:
AM .5 Ativan, 90 Cymbalta, 5 Abilify, 10 Viibryd, 25 Lamictal
afternoon .5 Ativan, 5 Abilify
PM .5 Ativan, 5 Zyprexa

There was a recent google search that lead to this blog that gave me a little chuckle:
"crazy moods in the brain"

Well, my google box searching friend, that certainly is one way to put it - and a damn fine way I would like to add. Our bipolar brains are quite moody, aren't they? Little bastards...

Sometimes I think my neurotransmitters have a permanent case of teenage angst. Man, can they be relentless. Stubborn. Volatile. And just outright moody. It's like my serotonin just got her first period, my dopamine has her first boyfriend, and my norepinephrine smoked pot for the first time. It can be ridiculously unruly in there.

I wonder what size t-shirt my serotonin wears?

The unfortunate part is that those chemicals really do rule the show. If our chemicals are off we will feel off. And by off I mean outright miserable.

The sucky part of having "crazy moods in the brain" is that we can't sit down and have a frank conversation with them and reason them to the right levels. We can't punish them and "teach them their lesson" to stay at the right levels. And we can't even get on our knees, tears in our eyes, desperation in our hearts, and beg them to be balanced.

But there is something we can do. We can take our crazy pills. Crazy pills can do so many different kinds of things for "the crazy moods in the brain," as our google friend puts it.

This is what my current crazy pills do:

Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor
The Gracious Host: 
Seroitonin and Norepinephrine so nice to see you! 
Relax, take off your coat - stay a while.

Dopamine Agonist
The Sucker Punch: 
Bam! Wake up Dopamine! 
Get out here!

Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor
The Slumber Party Host: 
Serotonin - don't go! Stay the night. 
Stay forever - it's not a party without you! 

Dopamine-Serotonin Antagonist
The Potential Fighter:
I'm watching you, Dopamine...
You're on my shit list, Serotonin... 

gamma-Aminobutyric acid Enhancer
The Lullaby: 
Come here, gamma-Aminobutyric acid. 
Let me sing to you...

I know taking crazy pills doesn't always, can't always, fix everything. I sure wish they did. Man, do I ever. But they make it a heck of a lot easier to do the "work." The "work" being getting closer to acceptance, going to the doctor, and living life instead of surviving it.

So take those pills.
Show "the crazy moods in the brain" who's boss.
Keep working on the "work..."
and striving to live our one, precious, beautiful, crazy life.

Until next time...


  1. I used to tell parents who didn't want to give medicine to their children that they could think of it like wearing glasses if you need them. The glasses don't see for you, but if you don't wear them, you can't see to read or enjoy the beautiful world around you. Those of us who need medications to regulate chemicals in our brains can live our lives after we have put on our "glasses."

    1. I love that, Karol with a K! What a great description. I love you too!

    2. Love the analogy, Karol! Dr. Crazy will get you back on track soon, Bacon. C'mon crazy pills, do your thing!

  2. I'm relieved. This post is the PERFECT thing to help me articulate what I want to say to my psychiatrist about the last few days- which have been WEIRD! I never know how to start! Thank you!

    Now,to get the ball rolling in a direction that will actually produce action, rather than talk....