Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Wise Google Box

Crazy pill count:
AM 1 Ativan, 90 Cymbalta, 10 Viibryd, 5 Zyprexa, 50 Lamictal
afternoon 1 Ativan
PM 1 Ativan, 50 Topamax, 100 Seroquel

There was a google search that lead to this blog yesterday that I am quite fond of:
It can't rain everyday

Oh, my friends, how this is true.
There has been this damn little storm cloud following me around for quite a while now.

Be honest,
my head's not always this big, is it?

Even at my last appointment with Dr. Crazy he asked me, good-naturedly, if I had brought the rain with me. It's that severe of a problem. 

Poor Dr. Crazy. 
See that cloud over his chair? 
Yep, my fault.

But my wise, google box searching friend has brought a little sunshine with their search because it sure can't rain everyday. And it won't. Even when we feel certain it will. Especially then.

I have been talking to Dr. Crazy on the phone several times a day, these past days, and each time he says the same thing:

"You can't let how you are feeling in this moment, today, define how you are doing overall. I know right now it's miserable, and intolerable, and it doesn't feel like you are getting better. But you are. I wouldn't lie to you. It's my job to tell you the truth. And I will keep telling you this every time we talk for as many times as you need to hear it."

He went on to explain, when caught in an exhausting marathon of anguish, like I have been, it is easy to forget the progress I've made since we've started working together nearly seven years ago. And it is.

It is oh, so easy to forget everything but the pain. Depression is funny like that. The rain is funny like that too. Three or four rainy days in a row and I've completely forgotten what it feels like to have the sun warming my shoulders, or how truly lovely the sky looks at it's clearest of blues.

So what do you suppose we do about this conundrum?

We could tattoo it on our chest.
The concern: It seems a tad extreme.
The problem: I only get, and regret getting, tattoos when I'm manic.

We could post-it-note-it to our forehead.
The concern: We can't really see it on our own forehead.
The problem: It might not stick if it is raining.

(she sure thinks it's a great idea)

We could tie a string around our finger.
The concern: It's just not easy tying a bow around your finger.
The problem: We might forget what the string is supposed to remind us of.

(she totally looks like she already forgot)

We could just go ahead and play in that rain
 because, after all, 
it won't rain everyday...

Tomorrow just might be sunny...

Until next time...


  1. I'm so sorry to hear it's lasting for so long. Each day that passes brings you a little bit closer to not feeling this way. You aren't alone. I'm right there with you...and sending good juju!
    hugs bacon <3

    1. That is very true, my friend. I am already on my way to feeling better. The sun is finally peeking through! Thank you for the reminder and good juju! Hope you're well today! Big hug!

  2. Each day, the sun rises. Yesterday is history, leaving only the lessons learnt and safety in the knowledge that you are loved.
    There's no reater gift than that.

  3. The sunshine does make a huge difference ! We had some today and it was warm and snow was melting and I was feeling a lot less grey cloudish. But that doesn't happen every day...
    Hope you find sunshine soon, Honey, and that these days get lighter for you.
    Hugs !

    1. They finally are. So glad to hear there is sunshine to melt away your snow and those unwelcome winter blues! Three cheers for the sun!