AM .5 Ativan, 90 Cymbalta, 25 Lamictal
PM .5 Ativan, 5 Zyprexa, 50 Seroquel, 10 Viibryd
I have to say Lucy has really stepped up her commitment lately.
This morning we watched the film up/down together.
Lucy whole hearted watched the entire film:
I came across it on a fabulous gal's blog early this morning. (Hi Grace!) Now, we're not exactly talking Academy Award contender here, or anything, and I'm a little confused by some of the shots they used, like a water bottle floating in a ditch, but it had some really great information.
The majority of the film was interviewing a panel of peeps with bipolar disorder about their experience of living an "up/down life." I was delighted they also included a panel of loved ones of bipolar peeps to discuss what it's like to be in our life. But I have to admit this portion of the program was difficult for me to watch.
This is my feeling "difficult" face:
Now, I have a very strong suspicion of how damn difficult it can be to love me, but actually hearing the loved ones admit how difficult it really is, out loud, to my cat's face, was...well, hard.
I have been struggling for quite a long spell on the issue of motherhood and bipolar disorder, and hearing from the two children with bipolar mother's sent me clear off the emotional ledge. They confirmed my worst fears to be true...
*{Spoiler Alert}*
Having a bipolar mom is really scary and really sucks.
At this confirmation I had to take a crying intermission.
Who knew up/down was going to be such a tearjerker?!
This is what a crying intermission looks like
in case you've never been and are considering going to one:
I really recommend up/down for any and all interested, affected by, or curious about bipolar disorder. Crazy peeps and their loved ones too - especially the loved ones of those with bipolar disorder, as I believe it can offer a great deal of understanding.
Apparently it's also interesting to cats, so by all means welcome them into the dialogue.
After all, they are a loved one of a bipolar peep too.
If you are interested in giving it a looksy:
Until next time...
I got the impression from the video that the kids had parents that were undiagnosed or had bipolar that wasn't well managed for part of their lives, and I don't think you fall in that category. I think you work really hard and have a doctor that is all about helping you manage your symptoms, and you are also one of the most encouraging and hopeful people so I don't think you would be scary and sucky as a mom.
ReplyDeleteThanks, My Flighty Soul. That is sweet of you to say.
DeleteI think any child would be lucky to have you as their mom. You would be amazing and show them what it means to be brave, strong and true...and sad and happy. What a blessing that would be!
ReplyDeleteThanks for referencing my blog! <3
I think the part that got me the most was the part about, "Not knowing which mom I was going to have today." That is my reality and well, that's just sad to me. But thank you for your words. You are a gem.
DeleteYou'd be an AMAZING MOTHER! You'd look after then just fine- Dr C would see to that! :) Where else would your kids learn the valuable skills to be able to live life under less than ideal conditions? Certainly not at school!
ReplyDeleteThanks, J. You are such a great cheerleader.
DeleteHaving a mom with any illness can be scary and sicky. And yes, sad sometimes. But those momma's are more than just their illnesses. They can be loving, caring, and teach their kids great lessons about strength, resilience, and building a great support system. Don't let the bipolar monster take that dream from you, Beautiful One. If being a mom is what you want to do, you and hubby will find a way to buld a good foundation to make that happen. Big love and hugs to you, Brave Girl.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words. And I know what you say is true. I guess sometimes I just don't know if I really want to be a mom or if it's just that everyone is telling me I "should" be a mom. I know I would need extra support systems set in place to help take care of any potential children for when I have a case of the crazies, but sometimes, especially lately, I have so many cases of the crazies it's overwhelming, and I think being a mother would be too much for me. I've heard all the rumors about how wonderful motherhood can be, and I don't doubt that they are true, but I am not confident that I am capable. Thank you for your constant love and hugs. It means a lot.
Deletethinking about you. hope you're doing okay. sending you big hugs
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks, Grace. Not a very good day, but I'm doing a bit better. I was thinking of you today too. :)
DeleteBig hug!