Monday, March 11, 2013

Be a Self Love Slut

Crazy pill count:
AM 2 Ativan, 90 Cymbalta, 20 Viibryd, 5 Cyprexa, 100 Lamictal
afternoon 1 Ativan
PM 1 Ativan, 50 Topamax

I received a request to write about hypersexual behavior and bipolar disorder.

Many people are not aware of this part of bipolar disorder but, during a mania, hypersexuality is a very common occurrence. Combined that with having a lack of a sense of consequences, tons of energy, and being unable to foresee the reactions of our actions, and you have the recipe for a lot of sexual disasters.

It's easy to feel shame.
It's easy to feel embarrassed.
It's easy to feel regret.

It's easy to wish for a "delete history" button.

It's not easy for me to admit that I have been a participant of manic hypersexual behavior more times than I would care to come to terms with on the Internet. But I have always promised to be honest with you, and give you a not so gentle look into a bipolar mind...and there is nothing gentle about being manic and hypersexual.

I'm not going to type out the nitty gritty details of my manic, slutty escapades, as this is not Fifty Shades of Grey, just know there have been more of them than any classy, respectable girl would partake in. But you see, that's the trick. When we are manic and hypersexual no matter how classy and respectable we are - we don't act that way.

This is the tricky part that is very hard for people to understand:

Yes, during and episode we are still us, but we are not us. We are manic us. We do things we would never normally do and act in ways in which we would never normally act. When manic and hypersexual it's like being drunk, and on cocaine, times a trillion, with a nearly fatal dosage of some weird sex juju potion.

It's even trickier than understanding men's underwear choices.


The best way I know how to describe it is this:

If you do not have sex, immediately, you will literally die. Of course that's not true. But that's what it feels like. And so we act accordingly to this threat of death.

We can sleep with people we don't know. We can sleep with people we don't like. We can sleep with people we're not attracted to. We can cheat on our significant others. We can sleep with more than one person in the same twenty-four hours. We are basically willing (begging) to sleep with anyone with the preferred functional plumbing.

Luckily this is not a symptom of every mania, but it can happen from time to time. I really want to emphasize that it is a common symptom so you don't feel like a sex freak. It is not preferable, that's for sure, but it's not weird. It doesn't make you a slut, or a man whore, it makes you someone with bipolar disorder.

It's one of the million things about bipolar disorder that's hard to swallow - that at times we act like a person we are not proud of.

These would also be hard to swallow:

If you have been manic and hypersexual, know you are not a bad person. You are person with a serious mental illness with some serious and crappy symptoms. Let me repeat myself: you are not a freak. If you feel regret or shame be kind to yourself and let it go. It was you, but it wasn't you. It was manic you - someone who doesn't entirely have control over themselves or their behavior.

My intention is not to condone this behavior, mine included, but to let you know, if this has happened to you, you are not a terrible person, and you are not alone. You are simply human. A human with bipolar disorder. You have simply joined the ranks of the hypersexual manic bipolar troop.

So is there anything we can do about this awful mess?
Perhaps.
Do you know what I am going to say?
I bet you do...

Call your doctor and take your pills.
If we can avoid an out of control mania, we can avoid the manic hypersexual behaviour.

After you call your doctor and take your pills here are a few tips to avoid a sex disaster.


Tip {1} stay home
Tip {2} don't invite that really hot guy or gal over
Tip {3} if somehow the hottie shows up - send them home or get a chaperon
Tip {4} don't put yourself in a position that would make sexual behavior possible
Tip {5} enforce my mother's high school rule: 
              "No boys in your bedroom and no boys over when I'm not home."

If you ignore these tips and end up doing something you wish you hadn't done, that just means you get to practice working on self-forgiveness. 

Bipolar disorder and it's consequences aren't easy. 
Forgiveness isn't easy. 
Forgiveness takes a lot of courage. 
But you are courageous and strong.

And most of all you are deserving of forgiving yourself and self love. 
A heck of a lot of self love. 
Embrace yourself. All of yourself. 
Even the parts you aren't exactly proud of. 

Be a self love slut...

Until next time...


11 comments:

  1. Another tough thing about this sucky disorder. You give great advice, Brave One.
    Hope your self-love is overflowing today !
    Hugs !

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  2. omg this was hilarious. I literally laughed out loud several times.

    Well this pretty much sums it all up! And explains a few things. lol I wonder why it happens... what it is about mania that causes this. hmm......

    big hugs - but not in a sexual way! :D

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    1. So glad to be able to entertain you! :P
      Hugs back at ya!

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  3. I don't really get this.
    I mean no disrespect, as I was diagnosed with a hypo-manic form of bipolar disorder a few years ago (I do question if it was a misdiagnosis and I believe my condition has become more difficult to deal with over the years) and my older brother is severely bipolar.
    I understand being in a manic state can make you do regretful things, but I think most people are more sexual than they admit. I don't see anything wrong with having sex as long as you use stay safe. There are plenty of promiscuous men and women who are not bipolar and are not diagnosed with any condition.
    Humans are sexual. Some of them are more sexual than others. I don't see the issue in regards to sex as long as you are safe about it.

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    1. There certainly is nothing wrong with having sex and enjoying sex as long as you are safe about it! I agree with you 100%. However manic hypersexuality is a real symptom of bipolar manias, and it is a problem if you are engaging in sexual activity that is causing problems in your life. If it's not causing problems in your life, then that's fine. But if, for example, it's creating problems for you like adultry, or simply choosing partners you wouldn't want to choose, then it is a real problem.

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    2. That makes sense.
      Would you consider pervasive, unwanted sexual thoughts a trait of manic hyper-sexuality in bipolar disorder? I'm not sure I completely understand it, but I often have a lot of thoughts I really try to block out, and the more I try, the more frequently they occur. I understand everyone has sort of dark, unwanted thoughts that occur from time to time, but it has become quite an issue for me. It really affects my ability to communicate with certain people.
      These pervasive sexual thoughts I'm referring to are not actual desires in the slightest, they're just really weird and dissociative and I would like to not deal with this issue anymore.

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    3. I'm not sure. Those are very good questions. You should talk to your doctor about it.

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    4. I was reading into it a bit and I think the intrusive thoughts I'm referring to are a common component of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts#Inappropriate_sexual_thoughts

      thanks for your response!

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    5. Of course. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful but I'm not a doctor...just some crazy girl. :)

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  4. *knock knock* anybody home?

    um....I'm a concerned citizen and I'd just like to know who took bacon and could they please bring her back! ;) <3

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